During pregnancy I suffered from depression and anxiety, I was prescribed medication but found ways to cope so I didn’t have to go on it. I knew this increased my chances of having PPD once my baby was born but had no idea it would be so bad and happen so fast.. So today I am sharing my experience with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety in hopes that I might be able to offer HOPE to any of you that may be suffering.
The night Demetrios was born I felt it creeping back in with a vengeance. He was only about 7 hours old and I remembering feeling so overwhelmed, anxious and “stuck” in my emotions. The 2nd night in the hospital I new something wasn’t right and I was not happy like I thought I should be as a new mom to my perfect baby. I laid in my hospital bed crying and wishing I could send my baby back. (So much mom guilt) I had wanted a baby for a long time, why was I feeling this way!?
4 days pp I was having so much anxiety/depression and felt so much guilt for the way I was feeling towards my son, and I could hardly function. I would cry and cry wishing it could just be Andy and I again. I couldn’t look at the pictures hanging in our house because memories of before the baby would consume me. I didn’t know who I was. I felt so alone and SO scared. We contacted my doctor and he gave me the okay to start taking the medicine he had prescribed earlier. For the last 4 weeks I have had many dark moments, shed more tears than I probably have in my whole life, and hardly ever have completely felt like “myself”. AlI want to do is be the best mom I can be for my little boy but because of PPD/anxiety we have had to receive a lot of extra help which made me feel like I wasn’t being the mom I should be. I’ve learned that PPD/anxiety is A LOT more common than most people think and I want to end the stigma and let people know it’s okay to talk about, it’s not something you can just make “go away,” it’s real, and it’s so scary! If it wasn’t for certain women who reached out to me I would still feel so guilty and think I was the only one who had baby blues or PPD. I’m thankful for my amazing hubby, supportive family, modern medicine, foot zones, and counselors to talk to. Please if you suffer from PPD get help and don’t be ashamed. Every day slowly gets better for me and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I will still have bad days but as for today I finally feel like I can enjoy every part of being a mama to my sweet Demetrios.
My sweet Andy has been such a blessing during this time, he never once has complained and has been the biggest help. I can only imagine how hard it has been on him to watch his wife go through something so scary and probably many times he didn’t recognize who I was anymore. Not to mention my mom for staying the night more times than I can count, my sisters and mother in law for offering to help with our son, and other moms who have reached out to me to see how I was doing.
Do you identify with Kaydi's story?
Take me to the ``Shatter the Silence`` series.